My future
Nothing has ever interested in any way. It’s true that I’ve never tried anything outside of my comfort zone (at least that’s what I deduced from reading memes on internet forums). All the activities that I do nowadays are basically activities that I’ve been doing back when I was a teenager. Nothing ever really changes, now that I am 20 years old, I still spend most of my free time watching series. Most people of my age do as well, but I feel like I am lacking in something compared to normal people because this is all I have in life. It’s time to wake up.
The delivery is scheduled for 4:15 and I only have 10 minutes left to get there. It’s not the first time that I deliver for this one customer, he ordered some pizza the other day. He seems to be quite a big fan of junk food because this time he ordered some fast food again.
The door opened and the customer - wearing the same shirt as last time, walked out of the building. I wonder if he ever changes clothes, I hear that office workers wear pyjamas all day long now that they can work from home (I guess they change only their tops when they have to attend video conferences?). He really doesn’t look like much, the old pyjama, the beard and the dirty hair make him look like some beggars. “It’s 15 bucks.” I ask him. “Thanks”. He growled indistinctively, handing the money. I wonder what is it that makes him so different than me. The guy is working at home on his computer while I have to cycle through the whole town to deliver junk food to guys like this. It’s 4:35. It started raining and I am tired. On the road some bus driver shouted at me for taking too much space, I ignore him and keep going, I need to get the next order from the next customer.
The next customer is quite your modern young businessman. He looks young - I give him 35 years old at most. But he is well-dressed and had this confident look in his eyes. It was the perfect cliché of the yound guy that has had everything going his way all his life. “Thanks” He said with a big and genuine smile while I gave him his two orders - some sushi and a poke bowl. He must be confined together with someone else, might be a girlfriend. Sometimes I see this kind of guy on TV. It’s the kind of guy - very skilled, who is having the time of his life working in a startup. When they were kids, these guys had good grades, were good at sport and popular with everybody. I bet things didn’t turn out differently for him since then, I bet he earns some good salary, does his regular work out and is having a lovey dovey time with his girlfriend. What a life would it be to be him? Would I have been able to do what he can do? I wonder where I lost my chance to succeed, having good grades, being popular with people, having friends, having a girlfriend. I spend my time all alone now that I left my parents’ house.
I’m fed up with this series. Back in my appartment - that is to say a small room, I took my phone and started streaming the TV show that I watch these days. The story is fancy and the actors are good, however I can’t seem to follow the show for some reason. Somehow I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen, something that will make my life better. But I also feel like if this thing were never to happen, I would die waiting for this very thing that was supposed to make me happy. I would die not having tried to find a way to be happy.
That night, I dreamt I had an accident while I was working. A bus hit me so hard that I had to be taken to the hospital. During the time I was unconscious, I realized that I had been wasting my youth worrying about things that were not worth it. So I took the resolution to do whatever was possible to change my life for me when I wake up. The next day, I woke up from my dream and went to work as usual. The next customer is expecting his order in 30 minutes. I need to hurry because otherwise the platform I work for will fire me and I won’t be able to pay the rent this month.