Being Constant
What drives people to flock altogether and partake in social interactions? It was once said that humans are social creatures, meaning it is in their very nature to seek and interact with other human beings. As for myself, I’ve been living deep in a secluded wood on an island for the past two decades now. In spite of being locked down in one of the most remote places on the planet, I desperately need to tell myself regularly that I was productive enough during last weekend.
Did I socialize with friends (people want to see me, I am loved)? Have I attended this cultural event (I absolutely need to consume cultural content because it elevates my thoughts as a modern and dynamic citizen living in a developped city)? Did I try to cook some new dish using exotic ingredients that everyone is telling me about(I know how to enjoy life, believe me, I’m not only rich and smart)? Did I pay attention to our planet by purchasing local products that were produced in an environmental-friendly farm (office workers like us can have an impact on the planet, who said we couldn’t)? Have I been traveling all around the world (let’s conquer the world, I am such an explorer)? Here are some of the questions that never fail to ruin my mood at the end of every weekend. I must confess - I don’t even succeed in meeting one or two requirements most of the time.
I’m well aware that I’m not the only one to feel depressed about not being able to meet with every expectation that I set upon myself. I presume that everyone has experimented this strong desire to stand out among their peers by accomplishing great many feats. Some may have given up because they don’t think they have what it takes. Some still try to achieve the ideal success. While the first ones are doomed to wander in a sorry state of hopelessness and shame because they shut down their own ambition for greatness, the second ones are doomed to work tirelessly in order to fulfill their desire, which they probably never will. So if people know for a fact that trying to meet with all these unrealistic expectations will not lead to happiness, why do people still seek hapiness in such vain attempts? My take on this is based on the opposition between the concept “having” and “being”.
It is well known that ownership of riches and expansive goods won’t make necessarily you a happy person. There are plenty of examples that exhibits caricatural wealthy people suffering terrible sadnesses, whether because their greediness led them onto tragic paths, or whether because their success has drawn hostility from the destitute. The main difference here is the extension of ownership of riches, not only to material wealth, but also to non physical wealth.
The basic idea of this extension lies in the desire to switch from a “having” paradigm, that is temporary and subject to one’s fortune, to a “being” paradigm, that looks for intrinsic qualities that cannot be revoked by a third-party. Although the original goal apparently stems from a righteous initiative, it fails afterwards as it tries to repeat the same methods that it applied on “having”. So one ends up counting how many books one has read, how many miles were un during the morning work out, how many friends one can visit during a single weekend, etc. The initial idea of “being” was about getting more independant from the temporary aspects of one’s life. So one should not start counting and measuring what was precisely supposed to free oneself.
Next there are questions that I will need to ask myself personnally in order to sort my priorities. Does it make any difference how many friends I saw the past few months? How about caring for those that really matter and have real conversations with them. The kind of conversations that allow to know more about the other truthfully and not the kind where you talk reluctantly because you convinced yourself that you need to socialize. What do I try to prove by travelling to remote places? What do I expect to discover or see over there that I cannot where I live? How about slowing down the pace and going for a walk in the neighbourhood? Maybe I’ll find a small place that I will learn to admire. Then, I’ll try to visit this place from time to time. Every time I’ll close my eyes and think about this place, I’ll feel warm and at peace. I feel like one whole lifetime would not be enough to cherish it.