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Obituary for a quiet life (2023)

zorrolovsky
90 replies
15h19m

Beautiful writing. It comes at an interesting time for me.

I'm in a full blown mid-life crisis where my state of mind fluctuates between full contentment and wishing I was doing more with life. This article made me think.

On the one hand, I'm content because I come from an unprivileged background. My family was abusive. Me and my brothers struggled with mental health. We ran away from home as soon as we could. Where I was born there were not any decent jobs, so the future was bleak.

Today, I have a decently-paid job in tech, good life/work balance, a nice clean house, and self-caring habits. I have a great mental and physical health, good relationships and a decent financial position. I traveled the world and had incredible experiences. I've got everything I dreamed about when I struggled mentally, physically and financially.

On the other hand, achieving all my dreams took me to a place where my mind says "I've done it all, let's just enjoy what I've got. Let's enjoy life". And that works for a while but then one day I resent being too complacent. I want to do more. Launch projects, earn more money, live more experiences. The voice of ambition says: "you're 45 years old, stop thinking like a 80 year old, move your ass and live more life"

Still working to find that fine balance between contentment and ambition. As a human I'm skeptic I will find the right answer. We tend to work in cycles/moods...

The_Colonel
44 replies
14h28m

I want to do more. Launch projects, earn more money, live more experiences.

The only thing you need is to stop this idea that living a richer life means earning/spending a lot of money / reaources. There's so much personal development you can do without participating in the materialistic rat race.

dakiol
28 replies
12h42m

There's so much personal development you can do without participating in the materialistic rat race.

That takes money, although in a different form: time. I can only enjoy those experiences if I have time for them (and I’m not talking about enjoying them after working 8h during the day, because I end up exhausted and cannot enjoy anything at all). So, in order to enjoy things I need to work less, which means less money. That’s the price. It’s always money

hereonout2
16 replies
12h29m

This is true for almost all of us though? Nearly everyone has to work at least 5x 8 hour days a week - some much more. Some have complex family needs that must be attended to before any personal time can even be considered.

There is always some time though, it just needs to be made and scheduled and worked on. We can choose to veg out in front of Netflix, or doom scroll, or peruse hacker news, but we can also choose to do something else possibly more fulfilling.

Of course not as good as having more disposable money and fewer work commitments but painting it as an all or nothing situation feels very defeatist.

vundercind
15 replies
8h55m

Staring at screens all day is weirdly taxing.

My wife used to have a much harder job than mine. Social, active, moving around, thinking on her feet, lots of prep, high stakes sometimes, somewhat abusive environment. She left it for WFH and a non-programming computer-heavy office job.

After a couple weeks, one day she said to me, “Now I understand why you’re so worn-out after work hours”

I’ve felt a lot more refreshed and ready to do stuff after working physical jobs or (especially) lightly-physical jobs that involve little or no computer use, than after a day of cushy office work.

It’s not the sitting. Standing desks and walking breaks don’t help much. Computer work is just bizarrely draining.

bigstrat2003
5 replies
6h45m

That's the exact opposite of my experience. I grew up on a farm, and as you might imagine it involved hard physical labor daily. I would 100x rather do my current job as a systems engineer. It's so much easier than working on the farm that I feel guilty sometimes, because I know that I work 1/10 as hard as people making 1/5 of what I do.

kbenson
1 replies
6h0m

They're not saying it's harder, just that it leaves you not wanting to do other things when you're done, and in a way that doesn't map to traditional physical fatigue, which is why it's "weirdly" taxing and not just taxing.

Mental and emotional fatigue accrue and exhibit themselves differently sometimes, but often matter quite a bit in the end. Plenty of people choose to leave well paid office jobs for more physical jobs that pay less. Unless you think they have a mental illness or are stupid, presumably they did it for a good reason.

bigstrat2003
0 replies
3h48m

I realize what they're saying. I'm saying I don't have the same experience.

mlyle
0 replies
5h52m

It depends upon the person and the exact situation, but it's a fundamentally different kind of tired. My students marvel at this.

They can tinker with mechanical things for a 12 hour crunch session before a robotics competition, and end up achy, hangry, and physically tired. But it might not be as exhausting as as an intense 1.5 hour math class or chasing a bug staring at screens for a couple of hours.

krumpet
0 replies
5h8m

I used to be a high school teacher and, though not as physically taxing as working on a farm, I feel the same about how much easier my current tech job is.

Teaching is just sooooo exhausting.

hereonout2
0 replies
6h9m

I just paid to get my lawn cleared for a new patio. A guy single handedly shovelled 8 tonnes of clay soil into a skip over two days.

He charged much less than I earned in the same two days configuring AWS lambda functions. It's hard to imagine I had the more exhausting job.

polishdude20
3 replies
6h49m

I wonder if it's to do with always focusing on the same distance. When doing a job where you're walking, your eyes are constantly focusing at different distances and taking in lots of information that's more rich than any website can give you.

Maybe constant screen time just tells your body "hey you can relax, nothing is around to attack you"

hollerith
2 replies
6h47m

Why would "hey you can relax, nothing is around to attack you" wear you out?

polishdude20
1 replies
6h43m

It signals to your body that you can sleep? So you stop producing whatever it is that makes you alert, attentive, energized.

hollerith
0 replies
6h25m

Sure, but if I slept or rested during working hours, I'd be more energetic in after working hours, not less.

blackSnake
2 replies
5h55m

I've noticed that too. Its an unnatural thing for the body to do, interacting with a computer or other digital device for that length of time. I've never walked away from using the computer feeling charged and rejuvenated, even when working on something I enjoy. Not mentally, I am referring to a whole body feeling.

I believe the vibrations emanating from digital devices is partly incompatible with human biology, so the body spends significant energy trying to maintain its default "state" so to speak, which is why it feels draining to use computer for long stretches of time. If you read a book for hours on end, it would not have the same effect so its not purely the sedentary nature of it.

In qi-gong practice, there is a concept known as "drawing" where you can increase your strength and vitality from being in proximity to different objects. For example, if I put you in a room full of plants and natural sunlight, you WILL become physically stronger instantly. If I put you in a server computer room, you will become physically weaker instantly. The body is constantly adjusting its "aura".

I don't know the science behind it, but it is easy to experiment with. Have someone resist a push while in a wide stance while holding in their left hand

1. a phone in their hand turned on

2. hold a living plant

3. glass of water

4. a battery

See if you can feel the difference in your ability to resist the push. It will change based on the object in your hand.

There is some challenges:

1. the pusher has to have correct form and measured strength. By correct form, it means you know how to correctly use your body to create an effective push (standing too close to not engage your legs, only using your arms to push, etc) Measured strength means similar force each time to have a base to compare to.

2. the pushee has to maintain a "neutral" state and provide the same amount of resistance on every push, to maintain the "control" group.

3. enough sensitivity as the pusher to feel the different levels of resistance provided by the pushee. On some pushes, the pushee might feel "heavier" or "lighter"

4. Patience. Whatever object you are holding has an effect on your body and most people cannot feel it initially. In fact, it takes years to cultivate enough sensitivity to feel subtle changes.

I think there has been some research on this topic in regards to wearing synthetic clothing made of nylon or polyester.

beryilma
1 replies
5h36m

This is absolute nonsense.

Plants, nature, etc. will for sure make people feel better compared to sitting in front of a computer. They will not make you instantly stronger or weaker... I guarantee that no double-blind experiment will ever show such effects.

wrycoder
0 replies
4h28m

Well, not entirely. What you hold subtly affects your response to a push, and the effect can be dramatic. The pusher, with eyes closed, will notice the difference.

lumost
0 replies
8h16m

I spent many years feeling guilty about this. Particularly during covid when, on paper, there wasn't a lot else going on.

Anecdotally, the thing to remember is that you brain is an organ - Even professional trainers can't do their workouts more then 3-4 hours a day. Why would one expect that the brain can magically work 8-10 hours at max intensity?

If you observe any job, workers have downtime - in the office, this would happen organically. Teams would get bored and chit chat, hallway conversations would go on too long etc.

With WFH - it's entirely possible to work 8-12 hours a day. This is the mental equivalent of endurance racing, burnout is inevitable at this pace - just like injury would be for athletes trying to train at that schedule.

hesviiggvv
0 replies
8h39m

Computer work is so far outside the realm of what we as humans have been doing as “work” since the dawn of time. I wonder how significant that is? Could we be evolutionarily or culturally ill-suited to working this way?

afpx
4 replies
11h16m

In 1999, I started my first job out of college with a salary of $30,000 per year. I spent most of the day coding in a cubicle. It was analytically satisfying but not what I truly wanted to do. It was also quite stressful, and the hours were long. I had chosen computer science because I was moderately good at it, and I hoped it would help me pay off my $50,000 in college loans.

In my first week of work, I realized I needed to find a way out. I had a hunch that the path I was on would not end well. I found an online group of people with similar thoughts. They were into "simple living," inspired by a book called "Your Money or Your Life." After reading it, I created a spreadsheet and started plotting numbers. I calculated that by continuously reducing my expenses and saving everything beyond a minimal lifestyle, and investing it in index funds, I could reach a point where my investments matched my spending.

For the next 25 years, I kept reducing my spending and invested the surplus into the S&P 500. At the time, that was considered a very aggressive move, as a more conservative strategy was recommended. But, I decided to give it a try. I forwent a consumer lifestyle. I didn't travel much and spent most of my free time reading. When I eventually started a family, I devoted time to them. I had to put on blinders, though. The cars, houses, lavish vacations, fancy dining, clothes, gadgets—I ignored all that. I bought houses in the poorest neighborhoods and fixed them up. I drove the cheapest cars that were reliable. I adopted a simple wardrobe. I bought second hand. I figured out how to make nutritious, delicious meals from the least expensive ingredients. Often, I felt like I was missing out compared to my peers, especially as wages in the industry grew. But, I endured and stuck to the plan.

These days, this movement seems to have evolved into FI/RE. Although it's not quite the same, it probably has similar goals.

I saw a few people make huge payoffs from startups and IPOs, so I tried that too. But it was terrible for my mental health, and I quickly learned that the board and the CEO were not on the side of the common worker—they had no intention of sharing their payouts. I worked for four failed startups with some more steady work in between. In hindsight, I don't recommend it. It wasn't worth it. I made less money than my peers, and I put too much of myself into the products I helped build. In the end, only those with money made more money. The rest of us got shafted.

But the moral of the story is, if you have 25 years, you might also be able to do it. Times have changed, though. But there's still probably an intersection point. The opportunities are greater than they ever have been. Given today's wages, I could have probably reached my goals 10 years earlier.

The transition to retiring early wasn't without its pains. I hadn't fully envisioned a future, and when I finally met my goals, I realized time had changed. In the years that followed, I experienced significant anguish because the dreams I once had (becoming an artist, going into academia) were no longer realistic. I needed over two years just to recover from burnout. But now, I'm finally somewhat satisfied but still quite lost and with anxiety. But, I feel the best I've felt since my 20s, and things get better every day.

Archelaos
3 replies
10h36m

it would help me pay off my $50,000 in college loans

If you have teenagers who want to go to university, consider encouraging them to learn German and then study in Germany. In 2021, the average monthly spendings of a student at a German public university were between 783 - 1.896 €, depending on the location.[1] (University fees are included in this number and range between 14 and 136 € per month. Sometimes there apply moderate additional fees for non-EU students, depending on their nationality.) Non-EU students are at least eledgible for working at the university as research assistants and thus, if they are clever, can earn an income to cover some of these costs.

[1] Source: https://www.studis-online.de/studienkosten/ (in German)

tycho-newman
2 replies
10h24m

German schools also ruthlessly cull students beginning in grade 4 or 5. Only a small number ever get the opportunity to go to university at all, let alone at those fees.

German universities are relatively cheap because they keep the eligibility pool small. That reduces the cost to the state.

Archelaos
1 replies
8h49m

Only a small number ever get the opportunity to go to university at all

In 2022, 56.4% of people living in Germany of a yearly cohort started university (including universities of higher education/Fachhochschule). 51.7% of males, 61.5% of females. 473,665 people (this number includes some foreign students, though) out of a population of aprox. 84 million. All in all, 2,915,700 people studied in Germany. I would not call that number "small".

The student quotient for the US is somewhat higher, but German and foreign systems are often not well comparable, because there are a lot of advanced vocational training programs in Germany outside of university that are equivalent or even better than many university programs in other countries.

[1] Source: https://www.destatis.de/DE/Themen/Gesellschaft-Umwelt/Bildun...

vondur
0 replies
6h9m

Here's the stats for California (population 39 million):

California has the highest number of college students in the United States, with 2.58 million enrolled in 2023.

goodpoint
3 replies
12h33m

That takes money, although in a different form: time

That’s the price. It’s always money

Tell that to unemployed people. To children. To retired people. To people with serious sickness.

Time is not money.

dartos
2 replies
11h56m

It isn’t, but it has similar uses.

With more money you have more time.

not needing to wait in line at a check cashing or payday loan office, not needing to wait in the ER because you can’t afford primary care, not needing to get your car fixed every year because you can afford one with fewer miles.

There’s a lot of hidden time costs if you’re not well off.

magicpin
0 replies
7h28m

Hell just the time sink of using a laundromat with defective machines vs filling up your own machine and moving over loads when it’s convenient for you

goodpoint
0 replies
2h55m

There’s a lot of hidden time costs if you’re not well off.

Of course and that's my point.

mlyle
0 replies
5h55m

It kind of comes down to money, but...

My wife and I work as teachers now after successful paths in tech. I do some consulting, choosing the most interesting problems instead of money.

We seek fulfillment and meaning and personal growth instead of papering over suck buying nice things.

Of course, having a big pile of capital as a backup makes this a lot safer to do.

jwells89
0 replies
5h54m

This exactly. I’d love to not have to work for a living so I could spend my days tinkering on projects, drawing, learning an instrument, etc. There’s so much to learn and resources to do so have never been more abundant or readily available. There’s enough to keep a person busy for several lifetimes.

But that requires money. A lot of it, if that’s what I want to do from today in my mid-30s onward.

I’m already doing some of this in my spare time and I’m grateful for the ability and opportunity to do so — having come from a poor background it’s absolutely not taken for granted — but having to work to live means everything else is pushed off into the margins with whatever energy and passion is leftover. I want to be able to get obsessed with and lost in whatever I’m pursuing like I did as a teenager, and that’s not feasible as long as a job is commanding most of my waking productive hours.

xvilka
6 replies
13h1m

I would disagree. If you think only about yourself - yes, it's not about the money. But if you want make life of your children, grandchildren, etc better, the only answer is money, building generational wealth.

soufron
3 replies
12h41m

Absolutely not. Children and grandchildren are their own persons. The world is full of people who got rich through heritage and who live miserable lives - even when being materially fulfilled.

I would add that this state of mind denotes a characteristic control anguish.

When you're dead, you're dead. You need to let go.

xvilka
2 replies
12h31m

Of course it doesn't guarantee the success, but it helps a lot.

ricardobeat
0 replies
12h14m

Depends on the definition of “success”. If it’s about raising good people, with decent values and a drive to make the world better, a fat inheritance is probably not a good predictor.

idiotsecant
0 replies
12h12m

Very nearly without exception children who come from backgrounds of generational wealth are terrible people, in my experience.

vasco
0 replies
11h33m

You can work a whole life for generation wealth only to have your kid spend it all in one month as soon as you die. Or to waste away not doing anything while receiving monthly from a trust fund.

Everyone decides what their life to be about, but I'd reflect on leaving too much of your life's meaning to "kick in" only when you're dead. If your whole purpose is to "set your family up forever", a lot of that is out of your control. Whereas if your purpose is to hang out have fun and support each other's goals, usually you can do that right away

robocat
0 replies
3h49m

The obituary does not show Ray had any modern obsession with money - the article does allude to a couple of Ray's jobs.

  “We’ve had a good life,” he said to me nearly every time I visited in his final year, and I knew it to be true even if it might have seemed odd from a distance. On paper, this small life above Clear Creek should have left a long list of regrets, of what ifs. But this life was the life, the very thing he and my grandmother Grace set out to make when they married in the little church up the road in 1954.

  The best time of his life was when his girls were little, Ray said as he neared the end. He and Grace raised two daughters: Joy (pictured left) and Debbie.
The modern disease of setting money as a primary goal is missing the point of life. We use money for the things we want. Concentrate on the wants and consider why you want those things. Keep your eye on the ball.

generational wealth.

What do your kids want that means they need your money? To go to university and join the same treadmill as you? Personally I wanted to earn my own way in life - I didn't want to live off my parents (although I probably could have). Independence is another modern goal. I have retired early, but money in itself brings many many unobvious problems. It doesn't magically give me an obviously better life than my friends (who are on a very wide range of incomes).

We are all given approximately 70 years - be very very careful how you spend yours. Perhaps listen to a few good people that have spent more of their 70 years than you have, and learn what they have learned over time.

amarcheschi
5 replies
14h15m

As a young cs students where even the uni professors tell us there's more about it than just money, what would you say is something regarding personal development to do?

hereonout2
2 replies
12h57m

During my late 20s I realised I was very good at my programming job but not much use at anything else. It was quite a disappointing realisation.

I started to do less and eventually no programming outside of office hours and instead invest my spare time in different hobbies and experiences.

I found gaining these new skills really helped build my confidence. 15 years later I'm not just a programmer, I'm a also a motorcyclist, experienced carpenter, been a member of certain meet up groups for over a decade, travelled to a few exotic locations, flown upside down in a plane, the list goes on.

None of these things are exceptional but doing this extra stuff has given me enough dimensions that I kind of feel comfortable with the way I've done the last 15 years. This along with starting a relationship and building a family is enough for me now.

Sure, I could have done more but compared to the corporate quagmire of my 20s things are very different.

sebastiansm
1 replies
6h21m

Programmers and wood. Best friends forever.

hereonout2
0 replies
6h4m

Indeed, it's almost a cliche.

I believe it satisfies some sort of primeval urge magnified by sitting in front of a screen for decades.

orthoxerox
0 replies
13h58m

Get a hobby that you can do outdoors with other people. Hiking, hunting, paddling, sailing, bouldering, volunteering, playing sports, LARPing, reenacting...

Embed yourself into the local community, become a pillar of it.

Start a family and support your children, don't try to mould them into what you wish you could have been.

elros
0 replies
13h52m

Learning things for fun and not just for profit. Physical development, learning a new sport. Spiritual development, meditating, observing. Engaging in arts, creating, exploring. Helping the less fortunate, volunteering, teaching. Traveling, learning about different cultures, different languages. Cooking. Spending time in nature, watching animals, birds, mushrooms, sunsets. Photography. These are just some examples, the list is endless :-)

Personally I’ve grown a lot from gardening and weightlifting. Having children made me more human.

krumpet
0 replies
5h14m

This is my focus. Though admittedly selfish, I'm spending time learning more songs on the guitar, improving my cooking skills, mastering a new language, etc. Once our children are out of the house, I plan to also become more involved in supporting our community.

It took time to understand that my time is better spent supporting our kids' activities and maintaining an organized home than chasing another promotion.

felipefar
0 replies
7h59m

The only thing you need is to stop this idea that living a richer life means earning/spending a lot of money / reaources. There's so much personal development you can do without participating in the materialistic rat race.

If you launch projects to gain fame, sure it is materialistic. But you can work on projects that help you understand things better, or to build the personality you want to have, both of which are the opposite of materialism.

They aren't egoistic as well, because you can then share your solutions with others, which are also going to benefit from it.

zikduruqe
6 replies
12h2m

“A young boy became a monk. He dreamed of enlightenment and of learning great things. When he got to the monastery he was told that each morning he had to chop wood for the monks fires and then carry water up to the monastery for ablutions and the kitchen. He attended prayers and meditation, but the teaching he was given was rather sparse.

One day he was told to take some tea to the Abbot in his chambers. He did so and the Abbot saw he looked sad and asked him why.

He replied every day all I do is chop wood and carry water. I want to learn. I want to understand things. I want to be great one day, like you.

The Abbot gestured to the scrolls on shelves lining the walls. He said, ‘When I started I was like you. Every day I would chop wood and carry water. Like you I understood that someone had to do these things, but like you I wanted to move forward. Eventually I did. I read all of the scrolls, I met with Kings and and gave council. I became the Abbot. Now, I understand that the key to everything is that everything is chopping wood and carrying water, and that if one does everything mindfully then it is all the same.'” [1]

Keep chopping wood and carrying water.

[1] - https://www.sloww.co/enlightenment-chop-wood-carry-water/

keiferski
4 replies
11h31m

I’m not an expert on Buddhism but this anecdote/story has never been particularly insightful to me. One criticism I have is that it treats Enlightenment/knowledge etc. as a single transferable piece of knowledge, and seems to not notice the impact of process and undergoing the ritual. “The journey is the destination” and so forth.

Chopping wood and carrying water may be the answer, but you might not realize the significance of that answer without deeply probing the question.

akomtu
2 replies
6h9m

The word "mindfully" at the end carries too much meaning that can't be unpacked without reading a bunch of books. This story looks identical to many stories told in the dzogchen branch of buddhism. The basic idea is that normal life is full of earthly activities: chopping woods and carrying water. An average mind gets distracted by those activities and is dragged passively from one distraction to another. An enlightened mind watches these earthly activities with full attention, like you would watch colorful butterflies, but is not carried away from deep realisation that these butterflies come and go as simple decorations of the neutral state of mind, which is often called "emptiness". When these two qualities meet - emptiness and clarity of perception - the mind enters the natural state and if you can stay in that state while chopping woods and carrying water, you're enlightened. If chopping woods carries you away from that natural state, you're said to be "distracted".

accrual
1 replies
5h12m

This was a very approachable explanation, thank you. Do you have any particular resources you'd recommend for learning more about this?

akomtu
0 replies
4h12m

"The Essence of Dzogchen in the Native Bon Tradition of Tibet"

jungturk
0 replies
9h49m

Right - in that story that requisite process has slunk into the background - that "everything is chopping wood" means something quite different to someone who has read all the scrolls, and counseled all the kings, and attained the role of Abbot.

The fact about wood-chopping is the product of enlightenment, not the cause of it.

itronitron
0 replies
5h16m

... and with that the young monk became enlightened. The next day they chopped a little less wood and carried a little less water.

eggdaft
6 replies
11h56m

I’ve achieved everything I set out to in life, at least everything I have control over and set out to do when I was in my 20s.

I’ve added a new ambition after some thought, not sure if I’ll manage to squeeze it in.

But I see the second half of my life now as predominantly about “service”. I think it’s important for everyone to have a life, to do the things they love, to follow some ambition or passion and take care of themselves. But we then need to ensure we help others do the same.

So my focus now is on my parents, family members, my partner, and society. I’m very grateful I had the health and opportunity to build and see what I wanted. Now it’s payback. I still do selfish things - I have to in order to stay sane - but the focus is on service.

JackMorgan
3 replies
9h55m

I feel the same. I spent the first 15 years of my career climbing out of poverty. Now, I've got stability, so the last few years I'm focusing on service towards others.

I've been volunteering for the last two years as a firefighter, and yesterday just finished the required ride alongs to complete my EMT. It feels good to deeply integrate with my local community, caring for neighbors when they need help. Between emergency response and a software engineer apprenticeship program I run I am spending a significant amount of time each week on community service. I feel safer and more connected to my community than ever before. It's been amazing for my anxiety.

consf
1 replies
4h6m

I spent the first 15 years of my career climbing out of poverty.

I am at this stage of life's journey where I understand that just a little bit more and I will be able to enjoy my existence...

jwoq9118
0 replies
2h14m

Same. Still climbing out. It’s been a decade for me, but that’s counting college where I was working to keep my family okay alongside school. Been a full time software engineer since 2020, still wading through debt and helping my family stay afloat. Reading this thread has done some good for my soul.

grogenaut
0 replies
7h5m

Very interesting. I just finished my EMT and starting OEC for ski patrol Monday. And interviews for volunteer EMT early may. Even though my grandfather was a firefighter but died early. I'm more interested in EMT. My dad did the climbing out of poverty but also died early so I don't know what he would have done "of service", maybe just left it to my mom who was a court child advocate.

So far just the ride alongs (you can help a little) at fire, EMT, ski patrol have been great. And the training as well. Much more interesting and fulfilling than just vegging out on Netflix after a week in tech.

bumby
0 replies
9h48m

I see the second half of my life now as predominantly about “service”.

David Brooks articulates this sentiment well in his book “The Second Mountain.”

616c
0 replies
11h52m

I for one would like to see you write more about this.

ip26
2 replies
8h18m

What is the reason you want to do more?

For me, struggling and learning is what I enjoy. Within that framework, it’s not about payout or fame, only the worthy challenge. As I begin to realize this about myself, I have become less worried about measuring achievement, which removes a good deal of the pressure.

consf
0 replies
4h3m

It's hard to live wothout a framework of payouts..

__MatrixMan__
0 replies
8h5m

I'm not the person you asked, but for me it's that I'm interested in solving problems. Not for money or recognition, but because I don't want to tolerate the problem anymore. If seeing it solved means doing more, then I have to do more.

waihtis
1 replies
8h38m

I took me a long time to realize it, but the "right" answer here is to focus on living one day at a time, regardless how far or close you're currently setting your aim towards.

consf
0 replies
4h3m

Live your life feeling the moment

karl11
1 replies
8h58m

Check out the movie "Perfect Days"

consf
0 replies
4h0m

Thank you for recommendation! That's what I was needing

cik
1 replies
12h11m

I completely relate to this. At 41 years old, I met my life's goal, a goal I never thought I would attain (and it's not wealth). Rather than be empowering and celebratory, that turned out to be debilitating, taking me years, until I found a new path. I'm still starting down that path, but at least now I have a goal that will take me 20-25 more years.

People will tell you to focus on you. People will tell you to focus on money. People will tell you to focus on neither. The reality is that what motivates you, gives you meaning, and continues to propel you might change. There's no right answer, and that's healthy. The process, I think is the important part, no matter how painful that may be.

slaucon
0 replies
6h38m

what’s the new goal?

spxneo
0 replies
4h48m

1) change your environment temporarily

2) let new perspective come to you

3) implement what your own introspection tells you

I've seen successful people become addicted to drugs because they let their minds idle and they lost perspective.

Remember the devil doesn't come with bulls and horns. It comes bearing gifts to hook you in.

rors
0 replies
9h57m

You've managed to move on from a situation where you were deprived of security, both with respect to love and money, to a new situation where you are secure at a relatively young age. That's a huge achievement. I would suggest first contemplating what you have achieved. You sound like an ambitious individual, and you should recognise how much you have done from a poor start.

It's natural that the things you once craved were things that would lead you to achieve your goal of security. It's also natural that now you are secure, you no longer need money etc. If you're still ambitious, then you are now in the lucky position where you can be a bit more playful. You have bought yourself the opportunity to try new things, to explore your values. To think about what really excites you.

Don't feel bad that you don't know what those are yet. You've gone from meeting existential needs to now thinking about fulfilment. What an exciting time of your life!

pipnonsense
0 replies
8h6m

I am also 45 and on a similar current situation as you (although I luckily come from a privileged background). One thing that is working a lot for me is trying to become a professional fiction writer.

There is a lot a of ambition and uncertainty in it. I always enjoyed writing (whatever the context, not only fiction) and now I enjoy getting better at writing fiction. I enjoy being part of a group of other wanna-be writers with the same goals and challenges. I made real friends this way. I enjoy listening podcasts, videos, interviews from experienced authors. I am even enjoying more working on some software side-projects that are related to literature (in general or my own).

At the same, there is very little chance that this endeavor will have any financial return. In Brazil, where I live, you can count in the dozens the number of writers that live solely from the income of book royalties and in the hundreds the number of writers that live from literature (royalties + workshops, online courses, literary services, etc).

So, even some successful authors that have decent number of readers (for Brazil's context) and some awards, have a day job.

This, interestingly for me, who has a well-paid job, removes the pressure of this project of mine. Since it is an art project, to not have the pressure of needing to earn money, actually makes my art better, I have more patience and time to reflect upon it (ironically, increasing my chances to earn money through my art).

But I still have the pressure to earn readers. It's not like I am painting paintings that I am happy enough to complete and leave them on my house studio. I am not doing art for myself, but for others. That's where the ambition part come from. Which I like.

I don't think this comes from a mid-life crisis, as I write short stories since my twenties. It's only now that I have the time, money, and, I might say, wisdom to be able to do it seriously. Writing is one form of art that benefits a lot from like experience.

Just to share what worked for me, and maybe you can find something for you that fits the bill of being an ambitious project that you hope to achieve something meaningful from, but that it's not necessarily attached to financial outcomes. The privilege of being able to be professional about something that might not return more money, even if successful, is something that I treasure a lot.

paulddraper
0 replies
7h3m

I would encourage you to be ambitious, in the ways that count. (Not necessarily just financial)

Joy is in accomplishment and responsibility.

myself248
0 replies
3h15m

If that itch might be saying "do more to shape the future", one way to scratch it is by working with young people. Mentor a robotics team or something.

mck-
0 replies
5h33m

I used to struggle with this too, until I started studying Stoicism. Here's a quote from Marcus Aurelius’ meditations 6.15 that I think about often:

“Ambition means tying your well being to what other people say or do. Self-indulgence means tying it to the things that happen to you. Sanity means tying it to your own actions."

lettergram
0 replies
11h12m

Everyone I’ve ever known who struggled in this manner has narrowed it down to lack of purpose.

If you have a reason to live, it’s not ambition that keeps you going, nor contentment. It’s a reason to do something. My buddy finds purpose in personal improvement (working out a couple hours a day), I find it in shaping the future and being with my little ones.

Traveling, luxury, comfort is not a purpose. It’s fine; but it’s not food for your soul, so to speak. One easy thing to do is join a community and contribute in someone (that breeds purpose as people rely on each other).

javajosh
0 replies
10h59m

There is a discontent that is fundamental to creation. After all, if what exists was enough, then why create anything? The wide variety of human personalities (on a long timescale) and moods (short timescale) is nothing less than Nature performing a great Search. What She is searching for is unknown, past mere survival. It makes sense to me to place that discontent in the context of a broader survival, the survival of the species, long-term. Something that other life cannot contemplate or work towards, but we can. And insofar as we are embedded in an ecosystem, it means protecting Life on Earth, and also spreading it beyond Earth. Lives well lived, quietly, like this man's, are both a triumph and a dead-end, simultaneously. It seems reasonable that a wide diversity of lives are needed and wanted by nature, or we wouldn't have them, and all of them are useful in their way.

herodoturtle
0 replies
13h12m

Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on your achievements (especially considering your beginnings).

You and I are of similar age, and have a similar backstory, so if I may, I’d like to suggest the following:

Help others.

For me my midlife crisis was quickly eradicated when I turned my surplus time and resources to assisting the needy through volunteer work.

I hope this resonates with you - it was a significantly positive turning point in my life, which gave me a great deal of perspective and gratitude.

hammock
0 replies
6h26m

Do you have children?

goodpoint
0 replies
12h30m

Launch projects, earn more money, live more experiences.

Pick one.

The "grind" mindset about money for the sake of money is the opposite of personal growth.

famahar
0 replies
14h26m

Have you considered getting into art? I find art projects to be big motivator and fills me with ambition. The great thing is I do it for myself so I can feel content knowing I don't need to fulfill the needs of an audience. You can be ambitious as you want. Making concrete sculptures, woodworking,oil painting, restoring old furniture, developing a game (physical or digital), writing short stories, researching and writing a book or zine on a random niche subject. I find that making art fills that hole that exists when I'm not doing much in life.

detourdog
0 replies
10h35m

I know what you are saying and the best I can come up with is to keep the ambition but give up on the result. I find this keeps me actively involved in things but with no expectation on outcome. When things do come to fruition I find I'm pleasently surprised that everything came together.

consf
0 replies
4h8m

I just try to remember that it's okay to strive for more while also taking the time to appreciate where you are and what you've accomplished

coldtea
0 replies
10h49m

On the other hand, achieving all my dreams took me to a place where my mind says "I've done it all, let's just enjoy what I've got. Let's enjoy life". And that works for a while but then one day I resent being too complacent. I want to do more. Launch projects, earn more money, live more experiences. The voice of ambition says: "you're 45 years old, stop thinking like a 80 year old, move your ass and live more life"

Is that "voice of ambition" your voice, or just what society or peers or media influencers (like grind vloggers) conditioned you to want?

_wire_
0 replies
11h48m

It's at this point that you may discover you have something you want to give, to your family, community, yourself. Your prosperity is the beginning of freedom. Very lucky position. Also very painful when you come into contact with others suffering, but this must be faced. You have something to give, which is full of meaning.

Projectiboga
0 replies
7h48m

Listen to the call to do. Many great ideas and new business models came from those in their 40s. The other tack is to do some kind of giving back, not so much money but something for love not profit. You have perspective from arising from suboptimal conditions.

Hendrikto
0 replies
11h38m

I want to […] earn more money

Why? Money is a means to an end. What would that buy you, given that you said you achieved your goals and got everything you need.

Do you think you will look back on your life and wish you had made more money? I do not.

DontchaKnowit
0 replies
5h56m

Im kinda in the same boat. Recently got a dog and have been finding absolute bliss in literally just sitting in the grass with him for like 30 mins at a time. Really is the highlight of my life at this juncture and im totally cool with that.

Cthulhu_
0 replies
8h42m

It sounds like you need a hobby, or some kind of activity that isn't work or to make money. Others suggested volunteer work, but it could be joining a hobby community or developing a hobby for that matter. I have colleagues that train for big sporting events, know nerds that organize get-togethers for their nerdy activities and work on outfits, and perhaps a previous generation, but people would go to the pub after work to chat shit and watch sports. A third place, as it's also called.

The article mentions a lot of family, I believe that's one thing my grandparents did as well; with seven kids, most of which who have kids of their own, that's a lot of birthday parties to attend.

ttiurani
24 replies
15h56m

All around us are these lives — heads down and arms open — that ignore the siren call of flashy American individualism, of bright lights and center stage. I’m fine right here is the response from the edge of the room, and that contentment is downright subversive. How could you want only that? the world demands. There’s more to have, always more.

Beautiful writing, and I feel this part especially elevates it.

Going forward, we collectively need to recognize and celebrate these people who know when they have enough for a good life. Who can stop craving more fame, wealth and possession, and just appreciate what they have. Because only by doing so, can we leave enough resources for others, near or far, now and in the future, to have the same.

GeoAtreides
12 replies
14h45m

the world demands. There’s more to have, always more.

is it really the world? or is it the ad industry? the social media algorithms?

bet if we shutdown the ad industry and accept only sorted by date for social media the world will quiet down tremendously

zilti
9 replies
14h34m

It wasn't really that different in that regard before social media, you know.

GeoAtreides
8 replies
14h22m

The uptick in teenage self-harm and suicides says otherwise.

Of course it was different, people in 1940 and 1950 were not doomscrolling endlessly throughout the day while algorithms enmeshed them in self-contained bubbles and bombard them with personalized ads, no, they were listening to radio, read newspapers, talked in person more. Social media is a new and never seen before phenomenon, with its own advantages and disadvantages.

bigstrat2003
4 replies
9h4m

Nobody is saying that social media hasn't had any effect on the world, just that the human desire for more worldly things wasn't caused by it. The expression "keeping up with the Joneses" far, far predates social media.

GeoAtreides
3 replies
8h36m

The difference is that before social media, the Jones were your neighbors -- your immediate, face to face, irl tribe. Social media makes everyone on planet Earth the Jones (more or less). And, let's not forget, there were no algorithms in old times, there were no bubbles created by those algorithms, there was no 24/7 constant scrolling (more or less)... These all matter, they all have an effect on the brain and on the mind.

bigstrat2003
2 replies
6h43m

I agree that's a difference, I simply don't agree with your original hypothesis. The constant hunger for more and more worldly things isn't going to go away, or even get significantly better, if we erase advertising and social media from the world.

GeoAtreides
1 replies
6h22m

If advertising doesn't induce demand, then what does it do?

bigstrat2003
0 replies
3h46m

I'm of the firm opinion that advertising is snake oil. But even if you do believe that advertising causes demand, it doesn't follow that we would see a significant decrease in demand if advertising was gone. If advertising hypothetically increases demand by 5%, that's not going to make that much of a difference when it's gone.

mtlguitarist
1 replies
13h11m

I think there's a bif citation needed on whether social media influences anxiety and depression in younger people. It's a nice scapegoat, but the world is harder and more competitive than it's ever been. I can't work in a textile mill and become a union president and support a family. The job doesn't exist anymore, and even if it did it wouldn't pay enough to achieve those coveted milestones of a "quiet life."

GeoAtreides
0 replies
8h34m

The discussion on the impact of social media rages on: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39983233

Is the world harder? Or we're relentlessly told that's harder? And can we actual tell the difference?

szundi
0 replies
12h36m

There can be other reasons too coinciding in time.

kmarc
0 replies
12h48m

Dunno, I don't use social media, neither see ads (adblock), but the older I get, the more I want to explore, learn about history, travel to places.

I agree with the sentiment (social media / ad algorithms influencing the... influenceables), but I have also met people who are outside these bubbles. Granted they are the bit older folks, pre-smarthpone people, mostly retirees.

alt227
0 replies
4h40m

Ads and social media are not the reason that humans have climbed mountains or sailed unmapped seas for centuries. They are not the reason captain Scott died on a polar expedition.

Seeking fame and fortune is baked into the human condition, all the way back to hierarchy in tribes.

taco-hands
3 replies
13h46m

This made me think of Ralph Waldo Emerson's poem "What is success": To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To give of one's self; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - This is to have succeeded.

netsharc
0 replies
7h42m

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition

Damn, that reminds me of the last part of the movie Living... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2L8CP31-14

miramba
0 replies
12h22m

That was beautiful and inspiring.

beryilma
0 replies
10h3m

When I was a college student some 30 years ago, this poem was in my physics textbook. I made a hand-written copy of it to carry in my wallet because I loved it so much. I always thought that the book's author wrote it. This brought back the same feelings I had then after reading the poem. Thanks...

alfagre
2 replies
15h17m

Going forward, we collectively need to recognize and celebrate these people who know when they have enough for a good life.

I see where you are coming from, but that's exactly missing the point. The article is about somebody who wouldn't have wanted to be celebrated by you. Who just wanted to live his life, out of the spotlight. By elevating him and his live to celebration status, that's the oppposite of what he would have wanted. Recognize, sure. A nod in passing, then move on.

ttiurani
0 replies
14h16m

Indeed, this is a vexing problem.

Role models influence so much of peoples' behavior, that I fear they are needed to change what is considered success. But the people suited to be role models rarely want to be.

I don't know the answer, but hope some of these kinds of people would allow themselves to be (reluctantly) also celebrated.

jddj
0 replies
14h33m

Telling though, isn't it.

The collective addiction to celebrity shows up even in a context like this one.

aconsult1
1 replies
8h37m

Beautiful indeed. It still baffles me how some people have a such gift with words. They can tell stories and make you have feelings, just magical. I know it's a lot of hard work to write like this.

I can write code alright, but I couldn't write words like the author, even if I practice for 100 years.

It has to be a gift.

itisit
0 replies
6h26m

There’s a charm to treating talent as some elusive gift bestowed on others. It elevates the mystery and power of what’s written; you can really get lost in the flow of words. But rest assured, you too given enough reading, writing, and collaboration can write just the same as the author. It’s not magic.

dzink
0 replies
8h21m

The world is driven by Envy, not Greed. Everyone needs something to look forward to. The stoic find it in the act of showing their kids something new, or the joy of planting a plant and waiting to see how it comes out. But if you think you’ve been deprived of something (money, attention, novelty, experiences, career progression) then you can be wound up like a spring in childhood / early career and overcompensate. You find out eventually, when you’ve burned your time, heart, energy, money, what truly matters to you. And then you may hopefully get more of it to look forward to. Have you noticed that after having 7 kids even Elon Musk started spending more time with at least one of them - by being more of a caregiver than an absentee famous father.

bigstrat2003
0 replies
15h27m

That part caught my attention as well. There's a danger in the seductive whisper of "you need more". Whether it's material goods, power, fame, or whatever else, pursuing external things like these is a hole which can never be filled. It seems to me that true happiness is to be found inward. If you can learn to find happiness where you are right now, then you can have a good life regardless of your external circumstances.

I had two really powerful insights when I was a teenager. The first was when I got a Christmas gift I really wanted (a walkman iirc), and it struck me that actually having it didn't fulfill me nearly as much as I had thought it would. The other was when my grandpa died, and I would have given anything to have him back (and I still would). These two experiences made me realize that stuff is hollow and unimportant, and what truly matters in this world are people. Being with the people you love is the greatest thing we can have, and unlike material possessions can never be replaced once it's gone.

I think that a simple life is far underrated. If all I ever do is spend time with my family and friends, and make the world around me just a bit better in some small way, I feel like that's enough.

epicureanideal
23 replies
15h59m

“ after a day driving a laundry truck. His bride, Grace, snapped the photo outside their first house.”

Driving a laundry truck.. first house..

Life was so much better a few decades ago.

dewey
11 replies
15h53m

But then, he also had to serve in war. Medical care was not that advanced, you couldn't read about any niche topic you want online. Easy to see things through rose tinted glasses.

jimnotgym
3 replies
15h42m

He had to serve in Germany during the Korean war. Still he got called up and posted away from his home, so you still have a point. I think it was people born in 1950 that had it easier, especially in the UK, since we didn't go to Vietnam.

MenhirMike
2 replies
14h47m

In the US, the people that were born in the 1950s got to spend their teenage years not knowing if the Soviet Union is going to start World War III (the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962 was definitely a forming event for many teenage minds), then got to go through the 70s with an energy crisis and the potential draft to Vietnam, and then another energy crisis, and then got to experience the Chernobyl disaster in the 80s, wondering if they should re-watch "Duck and cover" and wonder why that hole in the ozone layer gets bigger and bigger.

Every generation has its ups and downs. For my generation, I have to deal with sky-high real estate prices, but I also have access to an unprecedented amount of free entertainment, free knowledge, the cheap supercomputer in my pocket allows me to stay in touch with anyone that I want, and when I go to the doctor, I probably won't see people in iron lungs anymore. I can travel to anywhere in the world for ridiculously low prices, and if I don't speak the language, a live translation app will do the work for me.

No, it's not all sunshine and roses, and people are right to call out issues with the current state of the world because things are NOT alright. But it's not like things were sunshine and roses for our grandparents generation either.

tossandthrow
0 replies
12h21m

the point is that what you see as the roses and sunshine of your generation is increasingly seen as the "missile crisis" of our generation.

on top of that you have skyrocketing real estate prices.

skulk
0 replies
6h47m

I also have access to an unprecedented amount of free entertainment, free knowledge, the cheap supercomputer in my pocket allows me to stay in touch with anyone that I want, and when I go to the doctor, I probably won't see people in iron lungs anymore. I can travel to anywhere in the world for ridiculously low prices, and if I don't speak the language, a live translation app will do the work for me.

All built on a global underclass that will never experience these things. All built on processes with unsustainable emissions that will cause horrible calamities in the future (and even now). This isn't good.

onion2k
2 replies
14h49m

I wonder how many people would happily trade access to the web for a world where a laundry truck driver can afford a house. I imagine it's quite a lot.

bigstrat2003
0 replies
8h56m

I think the more interesting question would be, who is willing to trade peace for that? I think that it would be far harder to accept being shot at on the warfront than a world with no Internet.

TimTheTinker
0 replies
10h6m

I certainly would. And I'm on my second house.

navane
1 replies
8h11m

He wasn't serving in war, he was deployed in Germany in 49.

dewey
0 replies
7h44m

True, I misremembered that, but it's also not the main point.

fennecbutt
1 replies
7h47m

That's besides the point. Their dialogue is about how for all our efforts, the rich have only gotten richer and future generations are left in the dirt.

If medical care and peacetime and technology has progressed so much, why hasn't general living circumstances and wealth equity?

twojobsoneboss
3 replies
14h58m

Near Fruitland NC for 365k. Not too bad at all https://redf.in/tmYs3p

whycombagator
2 replies
9h35m

Only triple the price of what it sold for in 2017 (126k)

fennecbutt
1 replies
7h45m

And worldwide wages have stagnated over time. Older generations only see that we get paid double or triple "what they earned" but ignore that cost of living has exploded many times more than that. Because they're the ones happy to sell houses for a healthy profit.

all2
0 replies
6h55m

Don't blame the home owners for taking advantage of state sponsored real estate speculation. The only reason they are able to sell at 3x is because someone cut a speculator an easy loan. This is a feature of any system that allows loans against real estate.

wenebego
1 replies
11h47m

Lmao at everyone else coping about how the housing crisis is really not that bad

briHass
0 replies
10h8m

You might have missed that the story is about a man that owned a house in rural North Carolina, where, like many rural areas in the US, it's still possible to purchase houses for 200-300k.

Living in a dense, urban environment close to all the expensive 'luxuries' is exactly the type of life eschewed by the subject of the story.

vjk800
1 replies
5h54m

Fruitland, North Carolina has population of about 2000. Something tells me you too can buy a house while driving a laundry truck if you're willing to move to Fruitland.

listenallyall
1 replies
15h1m

Given the age and location of that house, are you confident it had indoor plumbing?

romanovcode
0 replies
11h52m

I think the land is what's important, not the house

tossandthrow
0 replies
12h17m

det think you'd be able to drive a truck and buy your first house today also.

No, that house is not going to be in Palo alto, and it is not going to be newly renovated.

His house probably wasn't either.

i think this sentiment stems from an at core inflated expectation to life.

I know of plenty of out if the city places where housing prices hasn't changed over the previous 15 years and where you probably would be able to find subsistence to pay you mortgage and get food on the table.

Aloha
23 replies
16h17m

Being content is like a drug.

The fire reduces, but does go out, you feel warmth in the familiar rather than the new, and you find yourself beset, wondering whatever you did to deserve this joy.

I hope to sone day some can say the same about me.

davideous
20 replies
16h6m

The Bible speaks about this:

“But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” — 1 Timothy 6:6-10 ESV

ako
9 replies
14h56m

Please don’t do this, there are many people and stories that speak to this. Now it looks like you’re claiming this for one particular religion, when it’s completely unrelated to religion.

ossyrial
3 replies
13h47m

He is sharing a quote from a religious book, it makes sense to cite it, no? If they quoted the Qur'an, a Buddhist Sutra, a piece by Kahlil Gibran, or a quote by Adam Smith, I would all expect a citation to be honest.

A few comments around we see a quote by Rick Roderick, and one by the Beatles. I don't see why this is fundamentally different and deserves critique.

vouwfietsman
2 replies
12h19m

Quoting a religious/ideologist book is inherently different to quoting an individual author or a non-religious/spiritual text, because the act of quoting itself is part of a tradition of (in this case evangelical) propagation of the religion/ideology.

We can pretend to see contemporary bible-quoting as a secular thing, but in these cases history matters.

For instance, in the above quote in the part "It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." it is obvious that the quoted passage goes beyond a non-religious moral text and veers into religious moral judgement.

Furthermore, quoting a passage does not isolate you from the whole of the work, as you would probably take offense to me quoting WWII dictators even if the quote makes sense for the topic in isolation.

What I'm saying is all quite obvious and on the nose behavior by religious (or ideologist) people, who absolutely view quoting as a religious/ideologist act as described above.

bigstrat2003
0 replies
8h52m

as you would probably take offense to me quoting WWII dictators even if the quote makes sense for the topic in isolation.

Of course I wouldn't take offense to that. I will accept wisdom wherever it is to be found, even if it's from Hitler himself. I care about the merit of ideas, not the merits of their sources.

all2
0 replies
6h44m

I'm confused at what you are trying to say. As far as I can tell, it appears you are saying something like "don't quote religious texts in a way that makes them look like they have any claim on moral authority". And it appears to me that you are saying "moral authority", in this case, is a-religious and should not be related to any particular religion.

Am I getting this right?

rramadass
1 replies
13h23m

Your comment is downright petty and silly.

Wisdom/Insight/Life Advice wherever it comes from is always valuable. It is up to you to tease out the kernel of knowledge from the chaff of religiosity.

I am no Christian, but i found Robert Alter's The Wisdom Books: Job, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes quite interesting and would advice you to a study of the same.

mistermann
0 replies
8h57m

Your comment is downright petty and silly.

And contains some irony.

zilti
0 replies
14h29m

You should work on your very warped perception.

pbourke
0 replies
14h22m

This text sits at the wellspring of Western culture, such as it is. You don't need to accept any metaphysical claims that it makes in order to appreciate its wisdom.

acidioxide
0 replies
14h16m

There is nothing wrong with drawing on the values that a text carries without necessarily agreeing with it in its entirety. This quote captures the point of the post above quite well.

GeoAtreides
9 replies
14h41m

Here is the King James version, which I find it much more beautiful (from a literary point of view):

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.

And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.

But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

derriz
7 replies
14h20m

Maybe but it makes much less sense to me. The meaning of “the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” is very different to “the love of money is the root of all evil”. The former seems like a reasonable claim. The latter is surely untrue? I know of lots of evil acts NOT motivated by money or the love of money.

davideous
4 replies
12h39m

Here are a few key paragraphs from a sermon that has the most compelling explanation of that sentence that I've heard:

When Paul said in 1 Timothy 6:10, “The love of money is the root of all evils,” what did he mean? He didn’t mean that there’s a connection between every sinful attitude and money — that money is always in your mind when you sin. I think he meant that all the evils in the world come from a certain kind of heart, namely, the kind of heart that loves money.

Now what does it mean to love money? It doesn’t mean to admire the green paper or the brown coins. To know what it means to love money, you have to ask: What is money? I would answer that question like this: Money is simply a symbol that stands for human resources. Money stands for what you can get from man, not from God! (“Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters. He who has no money come buy and eat!” Isaiah 55:1.) Money is the currency of human resources.

So the heart that loves money is a heart that pins its hopes, and pursues its pleasures, and puts its trust in what human resources can offer. So the love of money is virtually the same as faith in money — belief (trust, confidence, assurance) that money will meet your needs and make you happy.

Therefore the love of money, or belief in money, is the flip side of unbelief in the promises of God. Just like Jesus said in Matthew 6:24 — you cannot serve God and money. You can’t trust or believe in God and money. Belief in one is unbelief in the other. A heart that loves money — banks on money for happiness, believes in money — is at the same time not banking on the promises of God for happiness.

So when Paul says that the love of money is the root of all evils, he implies that unbelief in the promises of God is the taproot of every sinful attitude in our heart.

From: https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/battling-unbelief-at-be...

jwoq9118
1 replies
1h51m

I am giddy seeing a link to Desiring God on HN. John Piper, good stuff.

davideous
0 replies
51m

HN and Desiring God are my two favorite websites.

hellojesus
1 replies
5h34m

I get what you're saying, but as someone completely unfamiliar with the Bible but familiar with the common phrase, "Money is the root of all evil", I agree that the GP's original statement is much clearer.

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils.

This reads not that money itself is the root of evils, or even that a desire for money ensures you live a sinful life.

To me this reads that money, as a motivator, can be a catalyst to dip into immoral practice. If someone wants riches but cares not about how they acquire it, they may steal, they may start wars, they may con others, etc. But someone who uses their desire of money as a catalyst for bringing world change via a new product, service, knowledge, is well found in their desires and implementation, as they are making the world better while achieving their goals.

The contrast in translations completely alters the takeaway for me.

gen220
0 replies
2h37m

But someone who uses their desire of money as a catalyst for bringing world change via a new product, service, knowledge, is well found in their desires and implementation, as they are making the world better while achieving their goals.

For what it's worth – and I think it is a worthwhile thing to note – I do not believe that Jesus would condone this.

To Christ, the root of "well-founded" behavior is the golden rule – treat others as you would want yourself to be treated. This comes from the Sermon on the Mount.

Capturing value (a requirement to satisfy the desire for money) from exchange with your customers is not how you would want to be treated, as a customer. If you become wealthy from this exchange, you are violating the Golden Rule.

This sentiment is corroborated elsewhere, with another a famous saying of his that's often "explained away" but should probably be taken seriously.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

Martin Luther (of Lutheranism) has some interesting writings/interpretations on this subject [1], if you're interested.

[0]: https://biblehub.com/mark/10-25.htm, the larger story has more interesting context https://biblehub.com/bsb/mark/10.htm#17.

[1]: https://opensiuc.lib.siu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=501...

Edit just to make it clear in a TLDR; the severity of the "money is the root of all evil" translation is warranted. I'd interpret the "all kinds of evil" translation as "every kind of evil", rather than "many kinds of evil" (which is how we colloquially interpret 'all kinds' in contemporary english).

GeoAtreides
1 replies
14h10m

If you're looking for clear, unambiguous moral guidance, then sure, you have a point. For me it's more about how it sounds, the poetry of it all, and less about guiding my life, my spiritual life or my morality.

all2
0 replies
6h49m

I find these two things to be inextricably bound together in my own life.

pxmpxm
0 replies
10h6m

Far more overwrought prose in my opinio; like a Baroque cheateu, all the beauty is lost in the noise of the embellishments.

monero-xmr
1 replies
16h8m

Being content is not about lack of goals or striving. It’s about enjoying the journey, appreciating what you have, being OK psychologically even if your grand plans don’t come to fruition.

I am always working towards multiple goals in parallel, from short to long to ultra long term. But the cadence of regular life - the routines we do daily and weekly and yearly - are the things that sustain existence. My children, wife, extended family, friends, acquaintances, the holidays, the laughs and stories and memories. I like exercising, I like coffee, I like learning. I can make all the money in the world but the real mass of life is not changed, and money is unnecessary to live a fulfilling life.

Aloha
0 replies
5h0m

For me at least, it means I'm striving a little less hard, I think is the best way to put it.

I'm still searching for good things, and the next thing, but I'm also enjoying today for today.

dzink
12 replies
16h8m

He is not wrong.

“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same” - R. Kipling

Media riles up those who have been limited or deprived by circumstances. It waves flags and triggers emotions and creates envy and conjures social ladders to political influence, or financial gains, or popularity and public attention, or peaks of history. The reality though is that those apply to the people who don’t know better - the new grads, the hungry and ambitious, the midlife-crisis sufferers, the naive who haven’t encountered bad people or circumstances. If you’ve seen a lot or you know evil, you don’t need a public life where you may attract it. When you know what you have and value it, a quiet life is the best way to protect it. People value privacy when they have something to lose. If you know what you want to do and can do it without attention, you are much better off doing than dealing with collateral damage from unpredictable attention.

The media today is becoming incredibly propaganda filled and charged. This is a highly combustible environment. Big geopolitical risks are coming and publicity risks making you a target.

When low interest rates paid for VC-subsidized press the world was filled with startup success stories and drums up for startups and their potential gains. That meant many promising entrepreneurs took money at unsustainable expected ROI and lost years of their life working for a promise. Another word for that is lottery. When the dust settled having a quiet business and chugging along profitably proved to be like the little mice who survived underground after the asteroid hit.

If you are a cat who just caught a mouse, would you go to a hill to advertise to all local predators that you are about to enjoy fresh meat?

p1esk
5 replies
15h40m

I don’t know, try to explain your point of view to people like Trump or Musk.

flakeoil
1 replies
14h53m

Maybe the world would have been a better and friendlier place if the two people you mentioned, and others like them, had an attitude a bit more muted and humble.

all2
0 replies
7h7m

If their attitude had been either, they would not have become what they have become. Humble men do not, by and large, take the throne or become captains of industry.

kunley
0 replies
14h59m

But what for?

People like them are not a point of reference to relate everything, you know

forgetfreeman
0 replies
15h0m

It'd be easier to explain Shakespeare to a fish. Sociopaths aren't generally much for outside counsel.

dzink
0 replies
8h46m

The world has many more people like them than you think. The reason for that is the media’s propensity to raise people on pedestal over the smallest things and crash and burn that made-up image. Some people find new tools in that kind of experience. Some people have learned how to raise anyone by crafting a narrative for them with money. And some people become addicted to it and the attention they never got as a child.

AndyMcConachie
3 replies
6h43m

You quote Rudyard Kipling and then you complain about modern media riling people up.

Kipling was a horrible racist imperialist who in many ways helped create our modern 'riling up' style of journalism. He was one of the worst propagandists ever and you quote him entirely unknowlingly.

Seriously man, go learn more about Kipling before you quote him again.

jwoq9118
0 replies
1h57m

Absolutely wonderful article that says things I have noticed and haven’t been able to properly explain to people. Many people weaponize science as a tool to defend their moral beliefs, arguing that anyone who disagrees with them is “literally against the facts”. They fail to realize we’ve reached a stage where the only research studies seeing the light of day are those conforming to the popular opinion. Anything else is killed and discredited as nonsense, not based on truth, but based on emotion.

Reminds me of those days where every scientist told us cigarettes are totally safe. If you said otherwise you were an anti science fool, clearly an idiot. Look at us now. What a world we live in. Modern science is closer to religion than anyone would like to admit.

lolinder
0 replies
5h53m

For anyone who cares to read a balanced perspective on Kipling I highly recommend Orwell's. He criticizes Kipling fiercely where criticism is called for without falling into the maddened and equally ignorant invectives of OP. The whole thing is worth a read, but here's the conclusion:

One reason for Kipling's power as a good bad poet I have already suggested — his sense of responsibility, which made it possible for him to have a world-view, even though it happened to be a false one. Although he had no direct connexion with any political party, Kipling was a Conservative, a thing that does not exist nowadays. Those who now call themselves Conservatives are either Liberals, Fascists or the accomplices of Fascists. He identified himself with the ruling power and not with the opposition. In a gifted writer this seems to us strange and even disgusting, but it did have the advantage of giving Kipling a certain grip on reality. The ruling power is always faced with the question, ‘In such and such circumstances, what would you do?’, whereas the opposition is not obliged to take responsibility or make any real decisions. Where it is a permanent and pensioned opposition, as in England, the quality of its thought deteriorates accordingly. ... Kipling sold out to the British governing class, not financially but emotionally. This warped his political judgement, for the British ruling class were not what he imagined, and it led him into abysses of folly and snobbery, but he gained a corresponding advantage from having at least tried to imagine what action and responsibility are like. It is a great thing in his favour that he is not witty, not ‘daring’, has no wish to épater les bourgeois. He dealt largely in platitudes, and since we live in a world of platitudes, much of what he said sticks.

https://orwell.ru/library/reviews/kipling/english/e_rkip

wuj
0 replies
14h49m

If you know what you want to do and can do it without attention, you are much better off doing than dealing with collateral damage from unpredictable attention.

To achieve this state where one can operative effectively without external validation often requires them to initially engage with the public sphere. This exposure is important to getting opportunities, especially when starting out with no resources. The purpose of working is to be able to transcend this phase and do more autonomous and focused work...

TimedToasts
0 replies
8h18m

If you’ve seen a lot or you know evil, you don’t need a public life where you may attract it. When you know what you have and value it, a quiet life is the best way to protect it. People value privacy when they have something to lose.

That's a wonderful way of framing it. No one is intent on violating my privacy to give me anything, only to take.

ornornor
5 replies
15h57m

Nice read, thank you.

Ray Harrell after a day driving a laundry truck. His bride, Grace, snapped the photo outside their first house.

Ah the days when you could be a delivery truck driver and buy a house… Not so much for us anymore.

twojobsoneboss
1 replies
14h57m

Near Fruitland NC for 365k. Not too bad at all https://redf.in/tmYs3p

fennecbutt
0 replies
7h25m

I'm not American but I can do this rough: median salary PC Henderson county 37,457 (2022) after taxes $30,858. Mortgage rates seem to be about 8% for 30y fix atm so that's 36,500 deposit with $2017 monthly payment, but at least that's $0 fees.

At $2571 in pocket per month it'll take a while to save that deposit when median rent in that location is apparently $1500 for an apartment,let alone the fact you'll need a car and all your other bills (medical insurance in America I guess).

Then you'll have $500 left over after paying your mortgage every month. Somehow I don't think that's liveable.

Not everyone can crash with their parents while they save a deposit. Not everyone has a partner that works too. Some people have or want to have children. Not everyone works in tech, but boy am I glad I do...least until the machines take over.

alfagre
1 replies
15h15m

Not in central SF, no. But in the rural midwest you definitely can. Just like that dude.

woutersf
0 replies
9h20m

Yep and they did not have insulation obligations and what not. A house was much simpler back then too (i think). European here so i could be biased.

orthoxerox
0 replies
13h51m

You could still buy one if they still built 70m2 houses:

9m2 kitchen 15m2 sitting room 39m2 bedrooms 24m2 bathrooms 6m2 mud room 5m2 of various storage

But why buy/build one if mortgages are cheap?

grecht
4 replies
16h12m

Very moving. Often, this is called a "quiet, simple life". I like that this obituary does not do that. Being there for your family, acting in accordance with your values and standing up for yourself, being content with what you have - this is not "simple" at all. Someone to look up to.

threatofrain
3 replies
15h59m

What you describe is simple, especially in a wealthy nation during peace. What doesn't sound so simple was leading union politics or rapidly rising through the ranks while deployed abroad. This person was certainly not quiet.

gatinsama
2 replies
13h10m

Simple, not easy

stemlord
0 replies
7h48m

Above items seem to be neither, and it bothers me because it betrays the thesis by insinuating that a simple life can only be had after having a complicated one. True or not, one has to wonder if this too becomes another act of propaganda of erasure against the population among us who truly do live quietly-- in other words, loud people playing quiet people on tv.

plokiju
0 replies
7h15m

what is a complex life to you?

notincel
3 replies
14h51m

This is nice story.

That said, I feel like the people praising "the quiet life" are missing that this man found a companion at ~20yrs old and with that companion had a family and kids and grand kids.

Plenty of people never find that anchor/base/partner

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-...

It's arguably easy to be content when you have good support around you. Bad or no support and it's much harder.

nojvek
0 replies
6h41m

I was watching a video about Stanford long term happiness study https://youtu.be/IULhd1UuicA?si=6YezvfwZ5NE5ile6

The takeaway being what you mentioned. Having a long term loving caring relationship is the biggest indicator.

keenmaster
0 replies
10h33m

Sometimes contentment is followed by a good partner, not caused by one. To reach that state of contentment usually requires some mix of effort and satisfaction with the outcomes of that effort and ultimately your confidence in your ability to maintain and grow the things you value in life. If you worked hard but the outcome isn’t good - why? If you achieved a good outcome (like a solid degree, a good job, and/or home ownership) but are particularly unsatisfied - why? If you’re not confident in your future - why? It’s not a requirement to settle these questions before finding companionship, but it helps.

No doubt a good partner multiplies contentment, but they shouldn’t be facing a void of it either. Lastly, if you find that your contentment is being pulled and pushed and stomped on by external factors, then do what is needed to gain control of it again - anyone can achieve this, and if someone in a land of possibility thinks they’re the exception, that the world really is getting in their way, they’re holding themselves back with that very thought.

iorrus
0 replies
9h47m

I have to agree, it’s unusual the way the writer described this man as living a “quiet life”. He was the head of the union in what was likely a major employer and had a large family along with probably a large extended family.

He didn’t seek fame but I wouldn’t describe this man as a quiet one, he probably lived in a rich social network full of visitors, work colleagues, veterans, friends etc. There are very few people aside from egotists who seek large scale recognition for their work etc.

happytiger
3 replies
16h40m

This is beautiful. Thank you.

I think people don’t understand how important just being there for your family actually is. Sometimes it’s enough just to be reliable, stand for good and just be present. Sounds like he really knew it.

ericmcer
1 replies
9h15m

I am struggling a bit with this right now. Being a provider in the modern age means less than it used to. It feels like paying all the bills and being reliable isn’t valued much.

all2
0 replies
6h40m

Your feelings are correct. The role of provider and protector has been largely taken over by the state. And fathers are much maligned at this point in most popular media.

nonrandomstring
0 replies
16h14m

A Rick Roderick quote comes to mind;

  "" Now, I hate the movie The Big Chill, let me make that clear, and
     I hope I can’t be sued for hating a movie, I hate The Big Chill,
     because it’s about members of my generation, all of whom have
     become swine. The only person in the movie I like is dead when
     the movie starts, and they are having his funeral, and the old
     preacher says something quite profound. He asks the crowd of
     young yuppies, he goes "Isn’t our common life together and just
     being a good man enough to sustain us anymore?" And the answer to
     that is 'No, it’s not'.  ""

treflop
2 replies
5h7m

I’ve met and seen a lot of people in life and while it’s nearly impossible for a life to be stress-free, the content and successful people I’ve seen — poor, rich, whatever — seem to share one commonality: they found their passions in life, whether be it running a successful company, working with charity, hanging with neighborhood inline skate friends or raising cattle in the country side, and they get to do it nearly everyday.

Everyone else is just packing for an inevitable trip that they know they are going on but they don’t yet have destination. They try to bag all the milestones and pocket all the supplies that they may need, but without a goal, it is an endless journey without a chance of satisfaction.

Unfortunately, the difficulty is finding your passion. There is no way to discover it without somehow stumbling across it, which takes a lot of time and money and only becomes more difficult with age and increased responsibilities.

heresie-dabord
1 replies
4h40m

the content and successful people I’ve seen — poor, rich, whatever — seem to share one commonality: they found their passions in life

Everyone else is just packing for [...] an endless journey without a chance of satisfaction.

With no offence to you and all the fine people whom you know/have known, I think it's clear that there is no regret in living a good, kind, caring life without seeking a "passion" or consumerist distortion. Many millions more people have lived the former than have lived the latter.

treflop
0 replies
4h15m

Living a good, kind, caring life is a passion to me. You have to discover it.

zackmorris
1 replies
6h47m

I have two thoughts on this: it's important to find contentment regardless of situation, but I would caution against settling for less.

I've noticed that as more and more aspects of the American dream have been stripped of us by the uber-rich in recent decades, a certain kind of fatalism has settled into our collective psyche. There's a sense now that the quiet life is out of reach, regardless of income. That wages will never rise fast enough to keep up with the rising cost of housing. That there are just more and more and more people everywhere, that our heritage is being gentrified. That the hustle and bustle has nearly eclipsed most personal interaction. Basically that the worsening struggle of postmodernism has replaced community, tradition, and so on.

Ironically I had welcomed tech/progress up through the late 1990s, because young people today may not realize how ignorant times were then, when shows like All in the Family may as well have been documentaries. If you watch Saved by the Bell and Napoleon Dynamite, notice how there's no real technology, and there's an impression that the future is coming, but at a glacial pace. It wasn't like today, where if something hasn't been invented yet, it just means you haven't searched hard enough for it on the internet. We still had science instead of manifestation, so nobody told us how much our dreams mattered, only that we should put our noses to the grindstone.

Now in middle age after a lifetime of hard work with little to show for it, I find myself asking what all of this is for. What's the point of tech if it just makes you work harder? Shouldn't it make life easier, and bring more money and resources your way? And I think a lot about people who are good for nothin. Energy vampires who suck the life out of you when you're trying to make progress. They used to be people like me, angstful cynics who pointed out the absurdity of the modern world, who took solace in shows like South Park. Today they're the thought leaders and billionaires who vacuum up all available capital and lobby the government to take away our freedoms. What good are they if they only take but never give?

The key part of the article was unions. You want the quiet life, you've got to organize. This lone wolf, rugged individualist, pull yourself up by your bootstraps dream of winning the internet lottery was a bill of goods. Because winner takes all, and odds are it ain't you. I've been trying for a quarter century and if I knew then what I know now, I never would have started down this road.

I'm shifting my focus to a resource economy where basic necessities are provided by scalable technologies that can't be taken away by concentrated wealth. Where the difference between what employees are billed out for and what they are paid accrues ownership in a business, the same as capital put up by investors. Or that difference is accounted for in tax write-offs, pensions, retirements, social security, and so on. Where job applicants can see that discrepancy in public accounting records and choose not to apply to businesses that exploit them. So that we can all start getting paid what we're worth and build an economic system around improving the human condition instead of feeding off it like vampires.

sentfromrevolut
0 replies
3h6m

You are being downvoted as there is a smell of anti-semitism about your post. Billionaires are a problem yes when their goals do not align with Humanities goals but are instead anti humanity, and that's part of the game - why should they care about humanity ? You are making unreasonable requests on them.

This is the way this world has been organised by God. God is punishing and trying to burn you out until you stop ignoring everything Jesus said and stop cashing in your life experience for ego satisfaction , through your beta bucks provider role, choosing sex and family not celibacy and solitude etc.

Everything is structured as it is for a good reason. You yourself are living against God in many ways and just do not have the awareness to see it, but you suffer with clues and negative results that God is giving you.

uwagar
1 replies
5h7m

everybody dies of cancer man. what the heck. why?

XCSme
0 replies
4h28m

I guess there always has to be a reason for death?

rubicon33
1 replies
6h47m

Appreciate you posting this. For what it's worth, I'm in the same boat.

I basically achieved my goals in life and am now very comfortable. I could just continue to work and keep up-to-date and find myself old and tired in short time.

I'm poignantly aware of this window of opportunity which is closing. I'm still young(ish), and still have some physical and mental energy... The question is what will I use it for? What would bring me happiness when I am old, sitting in a wheelchair, recounting my life?

As someone who has struggled with mental health most of their life I have vowed to never have kids. For many, children are the answer to this existential question. For myself it will need to be something else and I'm not sure yet what that is. To be honest, I'm worried I may never find it. I was lucky enough to find my first passion (software) but after so many years, the mind yearns for new experiences and to produce something of meaning, something I can be proud of.

gen220
0 replies
2h57m

For what it's worth, you can still have an impact on youth without being a parent yourself. There's gradations from adoption and fostering to teaching and mentoring. Empathetic inter-generational experiences are beautiful for everyone involved in them. As you age, it literally keeps you young.

nntwozz
1 replies
5h10m

It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.

Not actually Tolkien but it's in the movies.

ErigmolCt
0 replies
3h41m

It is able to bring a sense of peace and fulfillment

fbdab103
1 replies
16h30m

He’d stolen a school bus as a teenager and backed it over a teacher’s car.

"Boys will be boys" definitely got a lot more mileage than I had previously thought.

qup
0 replies
11h34m

Wasn't said whether he was caught at it

resolutebat
0 replies
8h44m

If you liked this, you may appreciate much of Einsturzende Neubauten's newer work:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einst%C3%BCrzende_Neubauten

(The older stuff involves mutilating shopping carts with power equipment and is more of an acquired taste.)

tirthvora
0 replies
15h57m

Wow! Really moved me. I live in a metro city, and whenever I go back to my village, I envy their lives. It's just them and their families. Small World, but it still has adventures, and most importantly, peace.

A heart-warming Obituary!

spicyusername
0 replies
10h50m

It's a very nice obituary. I have similar feelings about my own grandfathers. They were figures that seemed larger than life.

Though, I confess, I think I must have a different definition of "quiet life".

My definition of "quite life" doesn't include perennially hosting family Christmas, backpacking across Europe, being the president of a textile union, and getting shipped off to Korea in the military.

To me, those sound like activities of someone not living a quiet life, hah. But maybe these days the bar for quiet life is set at not participating in social media or moving to a major metropolitan area.

Either way Grandpa sounds like he was a righteous dude.

sergiogjr
0 replies
11m

A nice personification of the common man from G.K. Chesterton, like uncountable others we will never hear about outside our own real life circles.

seatac76
0 replies
8h6m

Beautiful article. Glad to see Bitter Southerner here. They have a wonderful perspective of the South.

If y’all are in the market for a good coffee table book: Waffle House Vistas is very interesting.

Link: https://bsgeneralstore.com/products/waffle-house-vistas-2-0

remoquete
0 replies
15h42m

Beautifully written. For some reason, Beatles' Eleanor Rigby sounded in my head while I was reading this...

"All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong?"

ohans
0 replies
4h14m

“…I realized that a quiet life isn’t a passive life…”

The importance of finding such balance makes all the difference.

Beautiful writing.

lulzury
0 replies
9h48m

Being content doesn’t mean being blind. It means knowing the difference between a good fight and a selfish one.

I recently watched the movie Perfect Days (2023) and found a similarly resonant theme of contentment and simplicity in life.

It makes one stop and wonder why one often tends to let so many external things drive our lives, happiness, and contentment when things can be so much simpler if we just start to try to see the beauty in what we already have.

lcuff
0 replies
4h0m

Evokes my favorite Warren Buffett quote

"Basically, when you get to my age, you'll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you."

jrwiegand
0 replies
6h58m

This is a wonderful piece and I am glad that I came across it. The line that really hit home for me is the description attached to the photos with his girls. I have two young girls now and I take it to heart that right now may be the best time in my life. This sentiment has been something I have heard from many people about their children at this young age. This is just more confirmation to slow down pay attention.

jp0001
0 replies
9h6m

Amazing writing. Reminds me of my grandfather.

I’ve thought about it this way, you have four options in life: - not rich, not famous - not rich, famous - rich, famous - rich, not famous

The last one is the best, IMO. And by rich, I mean to not need for anything. And that means having your ego in check. The worst thing I’ve ever witnessed is a literal 100+ millionaire with no peace, still trying to impress people of their wealth and self importance.

instagraham
0 replies
5h25m

Radiohead's "No Surprises" always gave me this vibe, and made me yearn for a quiet life right from college.

gardenhedge
0 replies
14h14m

Quiet Life

stolen a school bus
fallous
0 replies
15h43m

There is an admirable maturity and wisdom in understanding the scope of your life and what is important, and working to make the world as you wish it to be within those confines. Too often we aggrandize ourselves by spending time worrying about the problems of the world far beyond our control and do not try and address them in the realms in which we do have some sway.

dmje
0 replies
16h9m

Lovely piece, thanks for posting

csours
0 replies
1h51m

I came across the quote "Happiness is a choice" recently. I haven't read the context yet (Suppliants by Aeschylus); but I feel like "Working towards removing unhappiness and increasing happiness is a choice" is a more complete idea.

cryptozeus
0 replies
16h25m

A month before he passed, faded and worn down to a wheelchair, his head still popped up when Grandma walked into the kitchen: “Hey thar, pretty girl.”

<B

Aeolun
0 replies
12h57m

I feel like this is the truth for the vast majority of people?

Nobody I know is out to do more than live their lives as best they can, and then pass away quietly and contendedly. In between there’s a ton of challenges. Many more than I’d ever have expected growing up or only looking at Facebook, but everyone makes it work.